I am undecided as to whether or not to create a new blog for my Mental Illness struggles and dark days, as I feel maybe I should hide the reality and truth of some of my days, instead of putting a heavy mask on again and blog all "Sunshine & Lollipops" in my long time blog here. Most people don't understand how someone can appear happy but be depressed, or if they sincerely can have a happy day or more, then other days be down and depressesd.
I have also had a Lifetime of not being confident in making decisions, aftermath of the way I was brought up I am now certain since I have made myself more knowledgeable about my illnesses the past 5 years or so, and still doing so daily.
Why I did stop blogging for a couple of years when I had crashed into a Bipolar Depression was my daily blog posts would have been very dark more then likely consisting of one sentence posts saying, "today I am very depressed, sad, with no energy", or some days worse then that.
Here I sit this morning being awake most of the night, experiencing "panic attacks", being "indecisive", "depressed" and in tears..... what do I do? begin a new blog with a new name where nobody could find me and read about the darkness which is my reality some days? I just don't know...
What I do know my husband, Rob, came home last night and was ever so kind trying to console me about me "hating myself", what I do know is I try very hard to push "negative" thoughts away and replace them with "positive", what I do know I do so much "self talk", what I do know is I "work very hard daily on my mental illnesses", what I do know it exhausts me "wearing a Mask and pretending to feel what I am not feeling", what I do know is "I hate living the way I am at times", what I do know "I am better then I was a year ago", what I do know is "many people support me", what I do know is "I am loved", what I do know is, "I am very empathetic and kind to others", what I do know is, "I am a good person", what I do know is "I am a good daughter, sibling and friend", what I do know is "I am a very sensitive & passionate person", what I do know is "I hate confrontations", what I do know is "I love my pets", what I do know is "I am scared of the unknown", what I do know is ….. much more....
…..but what I don't know is why I want to self destruct, as I have many times throughout my life, and why I am feeling so depressed, horrible, scared and sad.
People, I know, sometimes see me doing things, laughing, but they have no idea where I go in my head when I am alone, even times when I am in the company of others. People with mental illnesses do get so tired of being who they are expected to be, of wearing a heavy mask to cover up their real feelings, being afraid of judgement should they really show themselves....I am so tired today.
So the question still remains, "do I create a new blog" to hide behind along with my Mental Illnesses?
This is all she wrote......Just North of Wiarton & South of the Checkerboard
* Home * Food * Community * The daily life of a Bruce County woman living on 50 acres just beyond the entranceway to Bruce Peninsula, with her husband, Rob (aka The "Crabby Cabbie"), along with their five Australian Shepherds, Buddy, Bentley, Tesla, Stella, Chevy and 2 Rescue Cats, Princess Paisley and Mr. Davidson.
Monday, 21 October 2019
Undecided But What I Do Know
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Hello my sweet Canadian friend:) I think it’s a great idea to start a new blog. It will give you a place to express your feelings. You might even be surprised at the amount of people that also need a place to chat or get informational links. I’m only a “text” away:) LynnReplyDelete
Thank you my Forever Wisconsin friend. I have decided to not start another blog but to continue on with this one as it is mine and me whether it be good times or bad time. I am so happy for your friendship and support as always xoDelete
I think it's best to stick with this one.ReplyDelete
I have found when I'm having bad periods that the right music helps to start easing it away.