Saturday 31 December 2022

Friday 30 December 2022

Cuteness Overload

Who are our pack? They are the "Checkerboard Aussies, Australian Shepherd Dogs.

Our sweet Aussie Tesla, & her mate, Buddy, had a beautiful litter of 10 pups, yes you read that right there are 10, born on December 2nd. 2022. Four boys & six girlies.

They are now 4 weeks old, the perfect time to have a Photo Shoot.  Are you ready for a "cuteness overload" post of "glamour shots"... let's hear the ohhs & aws ! 

Sweetie Pie, Red Tri.

Sleepy one,  Red Merle.

Bum's Up! Red Merle Female

Saucy Red Tri

Serious, Red Tri

A Bit Shy, Red Merle

Oh that is a "Love Me" look, Black Tri

Come & get me, Black Tri

Oh are we missing a 10th pup? This is the only Blue Merle, & a Male, who had his Forever Home when he was barely a week old.  The gal who is going to be loving this boy, has TJ, who is a Red Tri Merle male from our 2021 Litter.  Isn't he sweet ?

It's been a pretty busy couple of "puppy" days.  

Photo shoots don't happen in minutes.  You have to stage the set, bring up the pups from, in our case the basement is where we have our whelping pens, then the biggest part of it all is the taking of the photos after trying to get 4 week old puppies to cooperate.  Trust me sometimes there are many many photos taken until you get a good one or two of each pup.  This session I believe Shea-Lyn had said she had taken 200 photos ! then to go through each of them choosing the best ones, editing them, & identifying each of them as you go along.

Today I spent answering questions from people inquiring about the pups, and setting up appointments for them to come for a visitation to chose one, after myself scrutinizing them as I only let our pups go to the best possible homes ever ! 

Nothing else got done in the house today but for washing puppy toys, used from last year, cleaning the basement of cobwebs, and dust... you would not believe the dust !  Dogs bring in lots of dirt and dust with them, with there being no way of me being on top of it all on a daily basis, however I do try to keep everything swept every week. Feeding dishes get washed every 2nd day, pens vacuumed out as well once a week, or two.  Always lots to do when you have doggos to look after & spend time.  My dogs never go outside on their own, I always go out with them, spending time with each of them on an individual basis.  Somedays I go out with 2 at a time then they have themselves a big romp together.

I am pooped & will shortly hitting the sack, as you know morning comes early when you are a busy person.  Personally I would rather be busy then bored to tears, wouldn't you?

Hope you enjoyed the "cuteness overload" post.

This is all she wrote this day.... "Just North of Wiarton & South of the Checkerboard"

Thursday 29 December 2022

Winter Planters

 "Winter Planters"?  I had never made one in my Life. This was the Year I decided I would change that, as I had purchased decor for one quite, & I mean quite, a few years ago.

Once I made one, you guessed it, I had to make two.  One for each the back & front doors.

I had posted these to my Facebook page.  A friend messaged me & asked if I would make her one.  I got going on getting some decor together, also buying more "just in case".  This is the one I made & dropped off for her. She was surprised when she got home from work, which made me happy.  I love surprising people, don't you?

Another sweet friend of mine stated she absolutely "loved" the ones I had made for myself, so of course I asked her if she would like one also. Of course her answer was "yes".  She was so so happy with it she has put an order in for me to make her one next Year !

A lovely friend I have, & I might add I am very fortunate for having such amazing friends in my Life, has always been so kind & giving to me over the Years.  I wanted to make her a planter for her house. I hadn't any of my large planters handy to get to easily, so I improvised & used one of our Aussie's Summer galvanized water bucket.  It did the job perfectly !  I was happy I could make her happy, as her giving to me has always made me happy.  It wasn't as elaborate as the others, however she "loved" it so what more could I ask for?

I had certainly been on a roll last week making all of these within 3 days, in-between my very, very large "to do" list (I will have to post a couple of these lists as some days as they can get to be a little lengthy, but I keep at it, stroking off what I get done & carrying over to the next day while adding more (this is coming from a person who would have liked things done "yesterday".  I am thinking this must be the part me having a  Perfectionist Disorder?, the part which would be "having unrealistic standards").  
**Note: Click on the blue highlight & it will take you to the link I included on the Traits of a Perfectionist.

I really did enjoy making these planters, & thought I might like to do more next Winter to sell.  On that note, this experience gave me some insight in how that would work out, not counting my time:

1) The decor I had purchased was Retail cost; the pine boughs are on our property, with time spent cutting them (I might add the one evening we were in the throes of a Blizzard, hahaha which certainly didn't stop me from getting r' done);

2) I used my own planters, which I have asked each of the ladies if they would kindly return to me in the Spring as they are my Summer flower planters, and of course the one was the Summer water pail for the Aussies (hey, I had to be resourceful in the moment & think outside of the box);

3) As already mentioned, my time along with dropping off each planter (for friends that is not in the equation, however to sell them that would totally be another matter which is my point);

Sooooo... in order for me to do this next Year to sell & cover every aspect from start to finish, I could not do any of the above.  Should I have made these planters to sell to people in general, it would have cost me money.  For example, one of these planters, if I would have included the container, would have cost me $50 to make, without including my time sourcing the materials & making it.  What I would have to do is source decor & planters at a very low cost, or free, from the Marketplace on Facebook, or at Thrift Stores & Yard Sales. Should I want to use Birch branches in any of them I would have to find someone who cuts wood & see if I could collect the small branches that they would not use & discard, if anyone would even do that I have no idea, or get my very equally busy husband take me back into our Back 40, which in reality is 30 acres, to find the birch from our own bush. 

 Again, I would have to put more thought into this as there is quite a bit of time & energy involved in all of this as well, as I have already outlined above.  Now again, on that note, I did enjoy doing them, so if I don't try it once for next Year I will never know, right?  I will give it a shot, starting a file with the resources I find, time spent, & cost attached to purchased items.  The clincher might be having the time to do them, but then again who knows what tomorrow is going to bring so I should remain optimistic it will all come together timewise for me next Year.  When I did the 5 of them last week I was still decluttering and working around two rooms being renovated, which still aren't finished (oh my goodness that might take 2 or 3 blog posts to cover those projects!), and our Tesla having a litter of 10 pups.  A little bit off subject now, but we had a "photo shoot" with each of the pups today so when I get the photos back I will be quite excited when I post all of them.  Back to my point, I pulled it off then with all that & more going on with me, so what could possibly be any busier next Year? oh boy I am brave in stating that am I not?

I must admit I am quite exhausted after putting all this out there, no wonder I was exhausted when it was all happening in "live time" !

Time will tell... if it is meant to be it will be, if not then nothing gained nothing lost other then having a few more pots & Christmas balls hanging around.

Stay tuned for puppy photos, coming soon on a blog post in the very near future... !

This is all she wrote this day..... "Just North of Wiarton & South of the Checkerboard"

PS:  I would like to thank all of my blogger friends for welcoming me back to my Blog, and all the friends, who don't blog, for your encouragement & support in me coming back to my Blog.  All the kind words & encouragement is some of the best medicine I could ever ask for to make me feel wonderful, which is has done.  Honestly, I didn't "feel" like doing a post today, almost not doing it, but I made it happen & quite proud of myself for doing so.  Again, thank you all very much for being here for me.

Wednesday 28 December 2022

Where I Am At In My Life Today

This post came up in my memories this morning:

I am sitting here thinking about how a psychiatrist could possibly diagnosis someone in 1 hour flat with a Mental Illness Disorder? I had not 1, but 3, diagnosis me with Bipolar 2 within less then 2 years. 2 in Owen Sound & 1 in Homewood Guelph. It's no wonder I wasn't responding to the, I've lost count on how many, prescribed medications for Bipolar. I had done so much reading about Bipolar, with at times thinking yes, and other times thinking no, as we do know ourselves (most of the time I hope I do). Just over a year ago my doctor referred me back to another psychiatrist for my Binge Eating Disorder. After about 5 months time I told my personal doctor that she (the psychiatrist I was seeing) just wasn't getting what I was trying to tell her. He replying, "she is maybe trying another approach". Well it wasn't sitting with me, as usual, I wasn't feeling I was being heard. The morning of my next appointment with my doctor I wrote down all of my actions within 2 hours & gave it to him. He sat there & couldn't believe all I did, regardless of all the circles it took me to get it done, stating no wonder I am exhausted all the time. He advised I take it to my upcoming psychiatrist appointment. At that appointment I asked her if she would mind reading the same list I had given my doctor. She did, then handed it back to me and asked if I would read it to her. She also couldn't believe what I had done on that list, and how many circles I did back & forth before finally getting any one totally completed. It was then & there she concurred with my doctor I had ADHD, not Bipolar 2, as well as the, Binge Eating Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder & PTSD. It took how many Years before professionals finally heard through what I was saying, and ALL of what I had been saying.

The medication I had been prescribed for the Binge Eating Disorder, just happened to also be for ADHD. Has it worked 100%? no, however what it has done is taken a wee bit of the edge off, as at times I am able focus on completing one task at a time taking the edge off being overwhelmed 30% of the time. When I find I am upset with something, or myself, it seems to trigger the feeling of being overwhelmed & sets my brain back into overdrive.

Have the medications, as some people think, "cured" my Mental Illness Disorders? the answer is "no". I still struggle on a daily basis, needing constant support some days. I have trust issues, so now I am very selective of who I chose to confide in.  There were times I hadn't felt I was believed when I was in distress, or my confidences were kept by those people I no longer trust myself to. Realizing I couldn't get support from some of these people was very upsetting as if they didn't want to support me they should have told me so then leading me on, sometimes I think so they could be in the "know". The tools I have learned, such as self talk, telling myself how another person is I have no control over, learning to accept somethings in "life just happens", should something, which I consider, bad happens, and other learned tools, can go "right out the window" when the PTSD is triggered, & from the way I think from having BPD influenced by the "learned" behaviour from a very young age, & blaming myself for what other's have created for themselves.

It's really really hard living life like this, especially when you get so caught up in the illnesses, not to feel joy, not to feel loved when you are told you are loved, not to feel deserving when something good happens, not to have any self confidence (& when you do to have it shot down by something or someone), feeling you are not heard, constant worry about being judged when you want to tackle something outside the safety of your home. So many fears... when I get triggered the PTSD kicks in with nightmares, self blame, self hatred, rumination... it takes me so long to process when something triggers me, and I hurt when someone doesn't understand this, as I work so hard on myself to overcome how past traumas have scarred me.

In one of my most recent appointments with my doctor, he told me no medication or support groups (such as DBT, CBT) will change me. This is the way I am, & other people who are "normal" can't, or don't want to, understand me, (& you do realize "normal" is only a setting on a washing machine?). He also told me "to remember I am a good person with a bad disease. It is not my fault that I have issues with mental health. There is a strong genetic basis for my problems and the traumas I went through in my Life, as well as the issues I have been & still dealing with presently.

He is concerned I also have OCPD, however on doing some in-depth reading I would consider myself rather an OCD/Perfectionist (also caused by early life trauma(s)).

Presently I am not in a good place, however I still reach out for support, rather then isolating as I found myself doing this past Summer engrossing myself in gardening, then onto renos, so I wouldn't have to ruminate too much over what was, and still, bothering me. I feel if I isolate I can't be hurt if I am not in contact with people or situations that make me feel uncomfortable.

I could go on & on with how I feel, or how I view things, but that will happen another time when those thoughts & feelings come forth, but for now..... "Just Try Thinking a Day in My Head".

This is me, not wanting sympathy, just wanting to be heard, with hope of giving other people with Mental Illness Disorders also a Voice. I also put myself out there with more hopes people don't give up, as I know what giving up is like, just recently on Christmas Day, as life is what I would rather have & to keep striving for the feelings of joy it provides as I am worth it.

There is only now very very few people I share my darkest fears with, those things that trigger & set me off, & the few joys I allow myself to have, as they do not judge me, they accept me, support me & most of all love me for who I am. They also know they have the same back from me.

Mental Illness is a Master of Disguise.

#MentalHealthAwareness #MentalHealthMatters 

Disclaimer: These are solely my opinions & feelings from my own experiences, not those of any other, nor a medical professional.  Should anyone seek help please please go to a Medical Emergency Facility.  You are Important & you deserve Love & Joy in your Life, as do I.

I have wanted to begin blogging for sometime now, years actually, however I needed to "feel" to do so, as I have with every other past post I have done throughout the Years.  I have missed blogging as it was one thing that I considered my own, and I always felt "safe" here in my space.  I've been posting all my garden projects from this past Summer on Facebook, with thinking, "this would be such an amazing blog post" to look back on, however I was in a different "head" space then.  I feel I am now ready to continue with my life by blogging it, as when I looked back on some of my past blogs posts I thought to myself, "wow, I really liked what I wrote about".  I have 3 drafts when I tried to get back into my blog, March 8th 2020 - Mental Illness(s) Suck;  Nov 9th, 2021 - Reading Back on My Posts, which are still drafts, probably not ever to be posted.... I will have to put more thought into this.

This is all she wrote this day.... "Just North of Wiarton & South of the Checkerboard".
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