Whenever I Can

I have decided I am going to journal my days whenever I can and when I am feeling up to it, not because I feel I "have" to.  Some days the "fatigue" and "not feeling" good just gets the best of me and I do not want to put myself in a position where I "feel bad" because I didn't do one less thing more in any particular day.

I was watching an episode of Love It or List It today wherein there had been a house that was quite cluttered, which made me feel a bit better that I am not alone in my clutter.  I hate clutter and being out of sort, but it is what it is right now and I am not feeling capable or able to change it up at this time in my life, as much as my brain would like to my body is not cooperating as such.

I seem to tackle one minute item when I find myself in so much discomfort as I begin sweating buckets, which also happens when I am doing absolutely nothing (no thinking it is not menopause related this time around, however will be a question I will be asking).  Eating has also been causing me some anguish beginning a couple of weeks ago  Certain foods cause severe pains, once again, in the pancreas area and abdomen.  As I have said before I had thought once my gall bladder had been removed last September, and the duct into my pancreas widened this past Spring, these problems would cease.  Apparently not so ..... *sigh*.

Hopefully there will be some good come out of a bit of this with a bit of weight loss, since I put on way too much weight the past year caused somewhat by various medications my Doctor has been trying me on, to no avail.  The amount of weight gain in itself has really gotten me down, especially since I have never really ever had a weight problem all my life, even though there have been times I had thought so, I now know different.

Last night I attended a Chamber Meeting as I was AWOL from a couple previous ones.  I almost had felt I was going to miss last evenings as the stomach pain was getting to the point I thought I was going to be making another trip to emergency, but really I would like to not repeat last year by making a trip every two weeks.  Once I got out I began feeling a bit better with the pain passing after taking some medications for my stomach.

Not to be completely sorrowful about my present situation I still find myself from time to time appreciating one of my favourite seasons of the year, this being Fall ....

Colpoy's Bay with the escarpment dressed up in Fall rehearsal before the impending arrival of Winter. The last photo on top of the North Hill overlooking downtown Wiarton.

Yes I do love Fall ....

I have found myself not making plans anymore as I once used to as if I cannot follow through with a particular plan I find myself upset.  I am finding it a bit easier to eliminate the plan making.  What I still do not find easy is living my life as it is, and not how it was well over a year ago.

I have an appointment in November at the Western Hospital in Toronto, which I am hoping will shed further light on what my body is going through and I can get some answers, with more hopes of going forward of claiming my life back as I once knew it to be not to very long ago.  This would make me happy.

To be quite honest at this point I do not know if I am more fearful of the appointment or driving into the heart of Toronto and back out ..... the older I get, a few accidents later, my sense of adventure has waned.

Should you be going through something in your own life, do not let anyone make you feel bad about it no matter how small or big your illness may be, it is still YOUR illness, it is affecting YOUR life, and you are the one living YOUR life.  Nobody can take away how YOU feel.

I am very fortunate to have a husband who supports me and tries to be as helpful in his own way as he can.  Many do not have the luxury of such a gracious understanding partner in lifek (even though we have, like anyone else, those "moments", right Honey?).

Goals?  I have given up on any big goals, and try now for very very small daily goals, one which might only to get a sinkful of dishes done, and the bed made.  Today there was a bonus of getting a load of laundry done, and Rob was good enough to hang that on the line for me.

I am also grateful to have family and friends who check in on how I am feeling.  Even though I might say the same thing day in and day out about how I am feeling, they always seem to have an open ear, and that makes me feel "special" to be cared about so much.

Thank you for all those "open" non-judgemental ears, and all that LOVE  !

The Fantastic Four puppies will all been gone off to their FOREVER NEW HOMES by this upcoming Sunday.  It makes me happy to know they all have good homes, and makes all the work worth it.  Even though this litter I haven't "felt" it as rewarding as others, I am still very passionate about my Aussies, and will be taking a break from any thoughts (hopefully) of an new litters anytime soon, waiting until late next Spring when hopefully my health issues are on the mend.

There is usually something Aussiesome going on over at The Checkerboard Aussie's Facebook Page if you so desire to *click* HERE.

This is all she wrote this day, Just North of Wiarton & South of the Checkerboard.