Monday, 30 May 2016

I Am Stuck

Yes I am stuck, stuck within a mind that is not being convinced to feel energy, motivation, passion, nor pleasures.  It has been a long journey and I have been very tired of feeling, or "not" feeling, any enjoyment for living.  Life is way too short to be like this, however I have been powerless, despite my efforts, too feel much different at the present time.

Medical update:  I was back at the psychiatrist this past week, who put me on another Bipolar medication since I was weaned off the Latuda, which did not work for me.  Hopefully this new medication, Lamotrigine, will work for me.  I am praying my hardest it will release me from this misery I have been dealing with for months on end.

After reading some reviews on the Lamotrigine I have been feeling hopeful it will be the "right" medication for me.   *Click* HERE to read the reviews I had came across through googling.  Fingers crossed big time and ALL PRAYERS WELCOME !!!

How have I been feeling for the past few months? debilitated in pretty every which way imagined.  I fear people will get sick of me as it is the same old same old with me, but truly if I could change the depression I have had for the past couple of years it would have been done in a blink of an eye !!!  and never mind the lack of self esteem that goes along with it ! On the most part I suffer in silence and die a million deaths inside some days when I have had terrible thoughts about what "other people" think of me ..... truly a vicious circle in my mind and what has been causing me lately to avoid going out to any events/functions.  I have even stopped dropping in on a friend who I used to frequently drop in on a couple times a week.

I spent the whole of  this past Winter mostly sitting on the couch allowing the days pass on by without me .... really what was there to blog about? making my bed, doing the dishes, then spending the day sitting on the couch?  I thought not, so I didn't.

I have had tons of well meaning advice over the months, and wonderful support from a few key people in my life (not to mention how wonderful, considering the circumstances, how my husband has been).  I surely appreciate all the support I have gotten and still get, however it is something in my "head" that needs correcting.  Trust me I do try very hard to "push" myself, but you know if the feelings aren't there it just doesn't happen.  I guess what I really want to say is all the best advice and concern coming my way hasn't gone on deaf ears, just something I am not capable to always put in motion at this time in my Life.

What more do I want to say? really I don't think there is much more to say at this moment in my Life, other then I will be back to blog here and there, Just North of Wiarton & South of the Checkerboard.
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